


Curious

by J Random Lurker (MysteryMuse)



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Crack, Curiosity, Drabble, M/M, No Sex, PWP without Porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 07:46:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1104244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteryMuse/pseuds/J%20Random%20Lurker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dib is curious. A silly conversational drabble.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Curious

Slip past the gnomes... knock knock!

Suspicious red eyes peer at me. "Dib-thing. What do YOU want?" 

"I wanna have sex with you. Just the once. Y'know, to see what it's like." 

He's gonna kill me! Heh. Oh the look on his face! His antennae go flat, and I can just about hear his mind snapping. His mouth drops open. 

Then he starts laughing real loud. He laughs so hard he drools and cries, clutching his stomach. "That's the most hilarious thing I've heard in a hundred years! The only reason I'd ever touch you is to cut your guts out with a dull and preferably hideously disease-laden spork!" 

He slams the door in my face. 

I wait, whistling and rocking back and forth on my feet. 

Three seconds, no, five, the door cracks open again and he peers out timidly. "Uhm... you weren't serious, were you?" 

"Yep. 100 percent serious."

SLAM! 

I chuckle and start counting again. Five, six, seven, eight... 

The door opens once more. "If this is some kind of clever plan that you think is really clever it's really a stupid clever plan! Give your body to me and I'll kill you!" 

"You probably will." 

"And you don't care?" 

"Not really worried." 

"But... but I'm going to destroy you! Your whole pointless planet too!" He's confused. It's kind of cute, in a horrible way. 

"So?" 

SLAM!

I cup my hands over my mouth and shout through the door. "Aren't you curious? I mean, just a little bit? How do you expect to seriously infiltrate this planet if you don't know anything about human sex?" I smirk. "Trust me, it's going to come up. A lot." 

The reply comes back breathlessly fast, muffled from the other side. "NO! I'm not curious. Not at all! Not even a little! Humans smell bad. And, uhm, are stupid." 

Interesting omission there - 'humans' in general, not me in particular. "Oh well then!" I shout back, and turn to go. 

Suddenly a wiry little hand grabs my wrist. I turn back and look into narrowed, gleaming red eyes. "Get in here, stinkbeast! I'm not done telling you why this is a stupid idea yet!" 

I let him tug me inside.


End file.
